you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
