i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize