I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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