meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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