The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
