I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
