I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
