I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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