Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
