I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
