Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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