My room smells like vodka and shame
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
