I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
