im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
