return my video game
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
