Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I puked a lego.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
