Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize