The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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