you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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