I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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