it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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