my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize