Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
