He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize