that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
