After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
