i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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