We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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