You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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