omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
