this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
