I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize