Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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