You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
