i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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