how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
