I am puke
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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