We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
