I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
