sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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