I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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