Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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