It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
