Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
