oh god the rape fog is back!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
