dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
