So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
