There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
