I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
