that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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