White coat. Heels.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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