..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
