I hate your face
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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