I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
