he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
