The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
