He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
