dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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