She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
