Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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