Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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