Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
