It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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